Monday, February 01, 2010
Steve's Journalist: Your new movie, It's Complicated, came out recently.

Steve: I was great in it.

Steve's Journalist: Tell us what it's about.

Steve: It's Complicated is about a guy named Steve. Excuse me, Adam. He's a brilliant, handsome architect who loves his work, is in great shape, and is pretty much the coolest and sexiest person in the room. He offers his love to a coldhearted woman who's secretly sleeping with her worthless schmuck called Alec Baldwin – I mean, Jake. The audience can't believe she doesn't see what a great guy Adam is.

Steve's Journalist: So, your co-stars were Alec Baldwin and Meryl Streep...

Steve: (Chuckles, irritated) "Co-star" is a lit-tle generous...

Steve's Journalist: Still, what was it like to work with Meryl Streep?

Steve: At first, nerve-wracking... I'd heard she's a huge fan of mine, and I was worried she'd make a fool of herself. If she was intimidated, though, she never let it show. She's much more professional than I would've guessed.

Steve's Journalist: What was it like to work with Alec Baldwin?

Steve: (Stiffly) I do not recall.

Steve's Journalist: But you're hosting The Academy Awards with him in March, Steve.

Steve: Huh?

(The tape recorder is turned off. When it starts recording again)

Steve: ...HUGE lawsuit. Mark my words.

Steve's Journalist: Your masseuse is getting antsy over there. Why don't we wrap this up? Nancy Meyers is known for doing a lot of takes. Was that true on this movie as well?

Steve: Enhh... The magic's gone. Maybe later I'll feel like talking again. (Pause)
I feel like it again! I think sometimes, my charisma is so intense, it causes celluloid to literally burst into flame. If Nancy asked for another take, I'd ask her, "It's my fault, isn't it?" And she'd nod "yes" and give me a wink. It's important not to say the real reason out loud, or other actors get jealous.

Steve's Journalist: They had no idea who they were dealing with.

Steve: You said a mouthful!

Steve's Journalist: Okay, Steve, I think we've got plenty of good stuff here for your website –

Steve: Call it by the right name.

Steve's Journalist: What's the proper name?

Steve: The electronic newspaper.

Steve's Journalist: The electronic newspaper.

Steve: (Chuckles) It sounds so funny when you say the whole name like that. I just call it "The "E-Newspaper."

Steve's Journalist: Um. OK, great! Thank you.

Steve: Thanks for coming over! Oh, and if you could drop off my dry-cleaning, it's hanging right there on your way out. Bye!